Angel and I
by Morbidity
Summary: [ Songfic ] Doesn't really have a pairing. Squall muses about his relationship with Rinoa before she left him for Seifer.


**[ D i s c l a i m e r ]** Nope.

**[ A u t h o r 's N o t e ]** I would like to warn everybody that I haven't finished the game yet because my disk keeps stalling at the end of disc two so if any of this seems a bit off, yes, it is. This is a somewhat of a songfic although it's a little long and you'd probably have to listen to the song eight or nine times whilst reading this. Also, the song is **"Angel and I"** by **Time Spent Driving**. They are an absolutely phenomenal band and I recommend that you download this song. Or any song by them. Because they are amazing. Don't mind the random periods, they are to ensure proper spacing.

**Bold **= present

Normal = past

_Italic_ = song lyrics

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** Squall stepped out of the elevator swiftly and onto the first floor of Balamb Garden. Something hit him. An instant, a feeling. He stopped. Looking out solemnly at the crowded life-filled halls, his eyes fixed on a happy couple. To any other person, they were just another lovesick duo but to him, they were Seifer and Rinoa, his archenemy and his lost love. He nonchalantly ran a hand through his hair as memories flooded back to him.**

"So…" he attempted awkwardly, wishing he had something to say.

"So," she echoed, playing with her long, dark hair, her feet wading silently in the water, "It's so beautiful here. Fisherman's Horizon is so nice this time of year."

"Yea," he agreed, trying to not think about the awkward silence that was growing on them rapidly.

He heard her sigh in exasperation. Inwardly, he cringed, wondering what exactly she expected him to do, "Squall?" she probed, "Squall, look at me."

He turned his eyes to her as she asked. Staring up into them, she searched his eyes for anything to show her how he felt but found nothing. His eyes were vacant, void of emotion, just as they always had been. The only thing sign of emotion that he ever displayed was a short, sometimes smile that she knew he only even attempted to try to appease her. She sighed again.

Fixing his gaze on his feet his thoughts drifted, why did this always have to be such a strain?

_Looking back_

_On all the times we strained to have_

_Vacant eyes, a sometimes smile_

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He rolled over in bed, letting the sunshine warm his body. He was so happy to have a day off; the duties of Commander were sometimes more than he could bear. Needless to say, he was greatly looking forward to a day of sleep in his dorm where he could be alone and rest. Just when he slipping back into slumber, he heard his door fly open. He groaned, knowing exactly who it was.

A moment later, he felt the warmth of the sun disappear replaced by cold as a shadow spread over his body.

"Squall?" he heard, "Squall?"

He rolled over and opened an eye, peering at the sunbathed outline of Rinoa. Out of instinct he moved over on the bed to provide her room to sit.

Taking up his offer, she lowered herself daintily on the bed and crossed her legs, "Squall," she repeated louder, wondering if he was listening, "I was thinking of going to beach at Balamb today. Maybe you could come, since you have the day off and all."

Cursing inwardly, he shut his eyes tightly in frustration, "I'm really tired Rinoa, I don't think I'm up for the beach today."

She pouted and tugged at his hands, "Come on Squall, please?"

He tried to think of a way to tell her 'No.' without making her feel bad in a way that she'd get the point and also in a way that would convince her that asking 'please' would not change his mind. Instead he just stayed silent and hoped that she took it had been intended.

"All right," she sighed, getting up and walking to the door, "I'll just get someone else to go with me, perhaps Quistis or Zell, hmm, maybe Seifer would like to come…."

"I hope you have a good time," he called, but she was long gone.

As he drifted to sleep he wondered if he could ever be what she wanted, if she could every truly be his.

_Thinking back_

_On all the things we almost did,_

_I hope you had a good time._

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Angel ever divine_

_You'll never be mine._

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He stood leaning against the smooth marble walls, sipping a glass of champagne. The scene was all too familiar to him. Looking out at the dancing couples, his life almost seemed like a dream. The women were little ballerinas in a music box, the men their tall handsome partners. A halo of light seemed to float down from heaven, sent down from God himself for the sole reason of accentuating the utmost beauty of His creation.

His wandering eyes fixed on a flirting couple. Seifer and Rinoa. He should have been mad, he should have been upset. But he wasn't really anything at all. They looked perfect together. The most beautiful couple in the room by far. Her eyes shone with youth and innocence as she giggled at his comments. Seifer sat back and admired her smile.

Squall downed the rest of his champagne. She hadn't left him for Seifer yet but he knew it was going to happen. A short man with a camera around his neck approached him, a plastic grin painted on his face, "Mr. Leonhart?" he asked.

"Yes?" Squall answered, turning to face him.

The man shifted his weight a bit and picked up his camera, "You approached me earlier, asking me to take a picture of you and your date, that pretty little brunette. I'm sorry I couldn't be of service, I was-."

"That's ok, I've changed my mind anyway," Squall interrupted, holding his hands up. He pulled some money out of his pocket and handed it to the man, "Sorry for the inconvenience."

The man smiled, nodded and backed away into the crowd, but Squall didn't notice. He was too busy imagining a picture frame around the now dancing couple. Yes, he decided, that would make a much better picture.

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About the pictures_

_That we hardly took,_

_Hope they come out all right_

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It had been a month. Two months? He finally slid the ring into the envelope as he had meant to for quite some time. As he did so he regarded the much larger copy of the same ring on his index finger. It was lost to him how much time he had just spent staring at the simple white paper, the quickly scrawled letter. Taking a breath, he wondered whether he should seal the envelope, realizing that it officially meant the end. It officially meant that he was over her and he was telling her so. He wondered why it was so hard. He had been over her long before she had even ended it. He had been over her when he first met her, when his eyes first locked on hers across the incandescent marble of the dance floor. He had been over her before she had even been his, because he knew it could never work out. It would never be the storybook ending it meant to be, happily ever after.

He smiled through his pained expression; he didn't suppose any valid happily ever after could include Seifer Almasy. Running a hand through his untamed hair, he read the letter one last time, five small lines, two sentences, twenty-one words, ninety-six letters. He supposed he'd read it over two hundred times. The contents of the letter had been more than committed to memory. But he knew that it was time to forget. He folded the paper on a time worn crease. The words ran through his mind for a final time-

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Regarding the ring_

_You always talked about_

_I'm sure it'll fit you just fine._

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Angel ever divine_

_You'll never be mine._

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He stood staring at her. It had been some time since he had actually spoken with her. She remained cheery and upright in her usual energetic stance. With what he recognized as a forced smile she twittered endlessly about vague and yet pointless subjects – the weather, the garden, the current state of affairs. Crossing his arms over his chest, he wondered why she felt the need to try and revive something that simply never was. With the simple act of her engaging him in a conversation in which he could think of nothing to say, she had already brought things back to normal. Yet she continued.

"…And right when they were posing for the picture, the chocobo bit Irvine in the arm! Selphie was so mad, you should have seen her, she was downright seething! Zell and myself thought she was going to kill something!" she daintily brought her hand to her mouth, caught in a fit of carefree giggles, "Isn't that just the funniest thing you've ever heard, Squall?"

"Why did you pretend like this would work out when we both knew your heart already belonged to someone else?"

His expression was stern, solemn, his eyes vacant and uncaring. She stood still in shock, her fist pressed tightly to her chest. None of that mattered now. The only thing that matter to him was that she was completely silent, and remained so, unwavering.

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Just one question_

_You never answered_

_You never learned._

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She looked up at him, still not breaking the silence. But it was different now; there was a longing in her eyes. She looked at him with a mirror of her long forgotten feelings, almost forgetting that they were feigned to begin with. His eyes remained in one place, fixated on her lips. He waited patiently for her to speak, even for her lips to shape the words, her mind attempt to grasp an answer, an explanation. It was just one question.

But instead she rose up to his level, steadying herself on her tiptoes, her eyes locked on his lips, a clouded, dream-like state of mind reflected in her eyes as they slid half closed. She leaned towards him as if she was caught in a scene from her past.

He knew what was happening. Eyeing her, he longed for the feel of her lips on his once again. He wished he could pull her to him and hold her like he used to. But he couldn't, knowing that he only wanted this to free himself of the false sense of loneliness that sometimes managed to haunt him. Society told him that he was to be lonely and sad without her and he fell into that deception and he hated it. If he let this happen, he would forever be a slave to her, forever bound to her side, forever at her beckon call, forever knowing that her heart was not his. As she came closer he reached out and gripped her shoulders, returning her to her feet, keeping her at an arm's length. Her eyes opened, and hurt shone in them. They asked one question, just one question, "Why?" Letting his arms drop to his sides, he answered her silent question.

"You'll never be mine."

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Just one question,_

_And your lips _

_Never shaped the words._

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Angel ever divine_

_You'll never be mine._

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You'll never be mine._

**Squall blinked and in the same instant his memories had flooded back to him they disappeared. He breathed in deeply, and kept walking.**


End file.
